A Lifelong Relationship

We had a really good visit with Joe and Katie and Ben. We live in much different parts of the country and it was fun to introduce them a little to Texas rural life.
It was fun to see the boys get to know each other again. They were never standoffish with each other, as I have seen Henry be with other children. I believe by the time I took them to the airport this afternoon for their flight home the boys had a sense of who they were to each other and had fallen back into the relationship they had developed.

Ben weighs about three pounds more than Henry. Joe and Katie have had him for three months longer than I have had Henry, so he has been receiving better care, nutrition, and medical attention for longer than Henry. The weight difference is less obvious from the profile.
Ben is walking, Henry crawls and cruises.
Luckily I had two car seats. I had to borrow my mother's car because mine didn't have room for two car seats and an adult to sit in the back seat. It was nice that the boys could look at each other while we drove around.
On the ride to the airport the boys were holding hands, looking and laughing at each other. It was really a wonderful cap to the weekend.

I am really glad that Joe and Katie and I found each other over the internet, and recognized the relationship between the boys. We only have oral confirmation from the orphanage that they are twins, but we collected saliva and sent to a genetics lab so that we can have documented proof. Then hopefully we can sort out the discrepancies in the paperwork and get accurate information that the boys may want someday.

For Joe and Katie and I we have embarked on what will be a lifelong relationship as we raise these boys. I am still surprised to find myself in this situation--it is certainly not what I expected when I began the adoption process. I thought I would be taking on a relationship with a child that I would raise--and now I've found my life intertwined with another family's. Thankfully we are all amenable to making this situation the best possible experience for Ben and Henry, and I am sure our lives will be greatly enriched as well.

A Day Together

Ben and Henry started out the day by taking a bath together. Then they took a short nap. It was great to see them seem to remember who the other one was. Henry hasn't played well with other children his age, and neither has Ben from what I understand. But they seem very much at ease with each other. We drove into Dallas for photos at the Olan Mill studio in Valley View mall. The boys really seemed to enjoy each other's company while we waited. They seemed excited and were interacting with each other in a very friendly way. By the time we got to the photographer taking their picture they were a little tired and it took a LOT of coaxing to get a few good shots.

We had dinner at the Green Papaya, a Vietnamese restaurant in downtown Dallas. The owner was very friendly and interested in our story. He gave us a free dish of kalamari. Then as we were leaving we met a young Vietnamese man who is a dentist.

It was a great day and the boys were exhausted by the time we finally made it home. Tomorrow not much is planned--an interview with the local paper and collecting DNA for the twin zygosity test.

Together again

I picked up Joe, Katie, and Ben t.oday. We meandered our way home, going by the library where I work. The boys seem to play well together, certainly they do not seem to be ill at ease with one another. Henry seems stand offish with other children.
It is very interesting to see the boys together. Ben tried to feed Henry cereal several times. Ben is a little fuller than Henry, he weighs around three pounds more. He is also walking, whereas Henry still crawls.

First night away from home

Last night we stayed at Chase and Jennifer's house. It was Henry's first night away from home since we got back from Vietnam. He woke up several times in the night and seemed confused about where he was. It took some time but he did warm up to both Chase and Jennifer.

Yesterday we went to the ENT doctor, Henry has fluid behind both ear drums. If it isn't cleared up by next month he will have tubes put in his ears.

Today we go to the airport to pick up Joe and Katie and Ben. It should be an exciting day!

Back to Solid Food

Gradually Henry has moved back to eating solid food. For the past week since he was in the ER in Dallas he has relied on the bottle for his nutrition--with the approval of the new pediatrician. A few days ago he showed an interest in eating dry cereal. He really liked the white gravy that my mother made, it was kind of bland and didn't upset his stomach. Now I am introducing vegetables back into his diet. He likes dressing and potatoes, he does not like carrots and broccoli though he will eat a few bites before he realizes what it is. I even managed to get him to eat some applesauce at the end of his meal.
Henry shows little interest in the sippy cup. He will take one sip and that is all. He gets his major liquids from the bottle.

Merry Christmas

I didn't feel like putting up the big tree, and my little tree is at the library. So I went out and bought a little fiber optic tree. In later years I will put up the big tree with all the ornaments I have collected over the years, but right now there just isn't room with high chairs and playpens and other baby stuff all over the place.
Last Saturday we went to my aunt's house and had an early Christmas with her family. Henry met my cousins' children and seemed to enjoy playing with the adults. My aunt's friend Becky from Oklahoma worked with Henry and got his confidence, My cousin Sean's wife Terri who met Henry at Thanksgiving also made friends with Henry.
We got up on Christmas morning and I showed Henry his new toys. He seems to enjoy going from one toy to another. I got a plastic storage box from IKEA but I"m going to have to get two or three more. I've got to come up with a way to keep things straightened out.
In the afternoon we drove over to friends Vicki a.nd Don's house. Henry took some time to warm up to everybody. He still prefers to stay with me and will not happily let somebody else hold him. But he does enjoy playing with other people as long as they don't try to pick him up.

Christmas Eve

I am thankful that Henry is doing better now and we will have an enjoyable holiday for our first Christmas together. The weather is also warming up--it has been in the 70s on some afternoons. Maybe it will be warm enough for us to go to the park in Windom soon.
My mother's cousin Dan makes rocking chairs that lock together in a kind of puzzle. Henry has really enjoyed sitting in it and rocking himself back and forth.
Henry seems to enjoy beating out rhythms on chairs and stools so I found this drum for him. I showed him one time what to do with the sticks and he immediately caught on. He has really enjoyed playing with this early Christmas present.
Today Henry again found the large mirror behind the bathroom door. He has been too sick to venture from my side until today, and he explored around the house. One of the questions ECI asked me was if he recognized his reflection in the mirror.
I'm not sure if he sees himself in the mirror, or if he sees Ben. But he does enjoy sitting in front of that mirror and watching himself.

New Doctor

Two days ago Henry had his first appointment with Dr. Susan Sickler, a local doctor who specializes in internationally adopted children--http://willowbendpediatrics.com/. She is starting at square one--redoing even the tests that were supposed to have been done in Vietnam. I feel really good to be in her hands. She seems very positive and competent.

We went yesterday to see Dr. An, a gastro-enterologist--http://www.dhat.com/physicians/An/an.asp. He does not seem to think Henry has any problems absorbing food, but they are doing tests to check for parasites and other problems anyway.

Next week we visit Dr. Mehendale--http://entfrisco.com/. Henry has bad ear infections now, and we need to just have a general examination to make sure everything is okay.

We return today to Dr. Sickler's office and again on Monday. It is a long way to drive, at least two hours and sometimes in heavy traffic. But it is worth it to feel that we are finally in the hands of someone who knows about the issues Henry faces.

Last night we went to the pharmacy to get Henry's fourth prescription for anti-biotics. This one is for the upper respirtory

Last night we went to a pharmacy to get Henry's fourth prescription for an anti-biotic. This is to clear up the ear infections and upper respirtory infection that no doubt causes Henry to have headaches and trouble catching his breath.

Henry in the Library

Henry went to work with me yesterday. I had a travel playpen set up in my office and worked there while he played. When he fell asleep I worked right outside my office shifting and weeding. I am currently rearranging the three collections in my area (Juvenile and Youth, Curriculum, and State Adopted Textbooks), trying to make it more open and user friendly. Since it is between semesters there isn't much going on in the library and it was a fairly simple matter to have him with me.

Henry is eating better. He is back to letting me feed him with a spoon, though he doesn't eat more than half of what he used to eat. I am giving him hot cereal again, but yesterday I fed him some cottage cheese and today I fed him some yogurt. For now I am sticking to rather bland food like that.

Today we travel to Plano to visit a pediatrician who is accustomed to working with internationaly adopted children. It is a long drive, around 70 miles one way. But I am hoping she will be more thorough and understand the issues that Henry is facing. Then we try to dash back to the library for a meeting with the Early Childhood Intervention people. Tuesday the meeting was just to see if he qualified for their services--he does and I just have to pay twenty dollars a onth. Today they will give tests to more thoroughly decide where he is at socially, intellectually, physically, etc. They are evaluating him at 15 months even though I suspect he is 18 months old because the birth certificate I was gi ven in Vietnam reports him at that age.

More Doctors

Sunday Henry seemed very cranky when some cousins came over to visit--after having not eaten well on Saturday he ate even less on Sunday, vomited up what little he took in after having had a stomach churning followed by a coughing fit. Finally I drove into Dallas to the ER at the children's hospital at Medical City. It is around 70 miles but offers the best treatment. He was deyhydrated and lethargic. The doctor put him on an IV and diagnosed him with viral syndrome which included an ear infection. The pneumonia was cleared up, but the anti-biotic seems to have made him nauseous and unable to hold food down. She also found an ear infection which seems to be part of the virus he has. After eight hours in the ER he was finally released and we drove back home.

Today we met with the Early Childhood Intervention agent at the library. She ascertained that we do qualify for their assistance. They are supposed to provide speech therapists, occupational therapists, nutritionists, etc. I think it is a state run program offered for children up to age 3.

I also went back to the PA in my doctor's clinic. I have decided to take Henry there rather than the pediatrician I first went to after we got back. I didn't care for the the treatment he got from her. We visited her on a Monday and he continued to not be well, then on Wednesday we went to the PA and he called for a chest x ray and diagnosed the pneumonia.

I learn new things each time about how to handle Henry. The PA showed me how to irrigate his nose to help him breathe. The nurse at the ER in Dallas showed me how to restrain him by wrapping him like a mummy in a towel or sheet so I can better irrigate his nose.

Later this week I have appointments for Henry with a pediatrician near Dallas who specializes in internationally adopted children and with a gastroenterologist in Dallas. I feel the doctors around here aren't experienced in dealing with a child from Henry's background. I am alarmed at Henry's lack of weight gain. Hopefully I will get some help and get Henry back to gaining weight.

I am also concerned about taking Henry back to the campus children's center. I don't think he is ready yet to be exposed to so many children and germs. Also they push him too fast--threre are too many issues involved with feeding him. At this point it is more important to make sure he continues to take in as much nutrition as possible than to get him to use a sippy cup or to feed himself with his fingers.

We're feeling better

We're all doing somewhat better. Henry is playing and laughing. He's still congested but he hasn't really had a fever since Tuesday. He continues to be very difficult to feed. Hopefully we can make the Monday morning meeting with ECI so I can start getting help from them. My mother is out of the hospital but she is taking longer to bounce back due to still being exhausted from our time in Vietnam and she has frail lungs.

We're all sick

We have all been sick since this past weekend. On Saturday we took my mother to the emergency room, they ended up checking her into the hospital. When they heard she had been in Southeast Asia for several months and had respitory problems they initially isolated her thinking she had SARS. Then they finally determined it was pneumonia.

Meanwhile Henry started getting sick on Saturday evening. I tried to call his pediatrician--they are supposed to have a phone line that is always answered. I never could get through and just waited until Monday morning to take him when their office opened. On Sunday his temperature was up to 104.7, but I was able to keep it down with Tylenol and Motrin.

The pediatrician said the fever is the body's natural way of fighting illness. She didn't like the idea of keeping a fever down for prolonged amounts of time, she said it prevents the body from doing its business. The children's center had told me another child there had RSV so he was checked for that. She said he had just whatever virus is "going around". She gave us some cough syrup and a prescription for amoxycillin.

I went to the doctor right after to get antibiotics. I wasn't feeling horrible but I was coming down with whatever Henry had, and I wanted to keep myself in functioning health. I usually don't take medicine and rarely go to the doctor but now a priority is to keep me able to take care of Henry.

Henry's fever was down for over a day, though he was still congested. I went back to work on Wednesday and took him to the children's center. Then at noon they called me and said I needed to pick him up because he was sick. He had awakened from the nap and couldn't breathe well. That happens before--when he lays down for long periods of time the mucus seems to collect in his nose and then he doesn't know how to breathe. My remedy at home has been to give him a bath and the warm water seems to clear him up.

I hadn't been happy with the pediatrician's diagnosis, so I ended up taking him to my doctor. We had an appointment for 3 (it was noon at the time) but I went on to the office and they let us in immediately. The PA I saw showed me how to clear Henry by irrigating his nose, they gave him a shot of antibiotics, and ordered a chest x ray.

It turns out he has walking pneumonia. He is on a different antibiotic and seems to be doing better. Now that I know how to irrigate his nose I am able to relieve him of that problem (though of course he doesn't like it while it's being done). I was very happy with the way the second doctor's office let us in immediately and went into action right away.

So I guess I will just start taking him to my clinic (which is right around the corner from the library) rather than the pediatrician who is actually in another town.

He seems to be doing better today. I take him back to the doctor tomorrow and if he isn't noticeably improved he will have to be put in the hospital.

Meanwhile my cat Sugarbabe has been relegated to the outdoors for the time being. In the photo she sits on the shelf outside my kitchen window and tries to get inside.

Christmas Party at the Children's Center

Today was the Christmas party (or maybe they call it a Seasonal Celebration) over at the Children's Center. I didn't go in the room where they were eating so that I wouldn't disturb him.
I gave the camera to one of the caregivers and they took the pictures. It was great to see him eating, even if it was chocolate cupcakes.

Souvenirs from Vietnam

I've done a lot of traveling and I usually bring back many many souvenirs. When I went to Thailand back in 2003 I brought back enough to open a small store, and in fact I drew some suspicion when I had a three day layover in Tokyo on my way home. Even though I left most of my luggage in storage at Narita, when I got on the plane bound for home I think they thought I was trying to smuggle something illegal because I had so much stuff. They inspected me with a fine tooth comb.

This time I didn't bring back as much. Of course the greatest thing I brought back is Henry.
Here he poses with Barney. One of the creators of Barney got her master's at the university where I work. The university has had a push over the past year or two to hit up alumni who have "made good", and we are currently hoping to get some "Barney money" for my part of the library--the teacher education collection and the children's collection.
Here is an authentic Vietnamese water puppet that I bought for $25 in Hanoi. It is the real thing--its blunted fingers denote many performances. The thing is around the size of a newborn baby and I think it would make a good stand in for the infant in a creche scene.

These are mere replicas of water puppets that I bought in HCMC for $2.50 each. They are only around six inches tall but they do remind me of one of my favorite scenes from both performances--the husband and wife gathering fish and frogs in the water, fighting either with themselves or with a fox.
I bought this wooden image in Siem Reap. It is a replica of one of the king's faces that adorn (in the hundreds) one of the temples at Angkor Wat. I bargained the vendor down to three dollars for this item, which is around a foot tall.
I don't drink alcohol, but I felt I couldn't leave without a bottle of the famous Vietnamese snake wine--I wouldn't drink it even if I did partake of spirits. I bought this bottle for just five dollars (and could have got it for less if I had wanted to bargain) and I've seen it for sale through US vendors for much much higher. It really creeps me out--thankfully the vendor wrapped it in newspaper but I was still fearful of the bottle breaking in my luggage on the way home. And I wasn't entirely sure it was legal to bring back. Most of the online commentary said it was legal but a few people said theirs had been confiscated.
My mother was anxious to have one of these wooden images of a woman in a conical hat. In the last day or two we were in Hanoi I bought one. They are everywhere.
These palm leaf baseball hats are supposedly only available in Vietnam. I bought two and my mother bought two--we rationalized that four would fit in a suitcase as well as one would.

This hat is the one I will most likely wear, a squared off baseball cap with the flag.
The green hat on the upper right is a Vietnamese army hat that I have added to my collection. I used to have a huge rack with twenty or more hats in the room that is now Henry's. My collection is now reduced to these few that will fit in my room. The top hat is from Venice, the hat directly beneath it is from Guatemala, the dark brown cap to the left of that is from Peru, as is the multicolor cap below it. The black hat is a children's bobby hat from England--I couldn't find the real thing.
I found this puzzle at a grocery store in Hanoi. I thougth it would come in useful in a few years when I show Henry the Vietnamese alphabet. Or maybe he can use it for show and tell (if they still do that in school).
My mother bought this story quilt in Laos, and it is hanging in Henry's room. We could have gotten one without the English narration of what I think is a well known story, but since we don't know the story I got the captioned version. They sold these in Thailand too, they are handicraft of some hill tribe that I think is spread around Southeast Asia.
Lastly is this lacuqered cover of a Tintin book. Tintin is a series of what we now call graphic novels by a Belgian writer who goes by the pseudonym Herge (from his initials, his name is Georges Remi).

Life at the Children's Center

Henry seems to be settling in to life at the campus children's center. They take photos of him during the day and pass them on to me, such as the one above.

I am concerned that he is not eating as well as he was before. Food that he used to gobble up like oatmeal or cream of wheat is not interesting to him anymore. I can usually get him to eat two or three bites of something that I consider nutritional, but that is all. He will grudgingly eat cereal-like food that is similar to Cheerios. Gerber puts out the finger food carrots, sweet potatoes, corn, apples, and pineapples.

He will still take milk or formula from a bottle. He will take only one or two sips from a cup, not enough in my opinion to get any real benefit. I have started feeding him Pediasure at night just to get the added vitamins in him. Friends tell me babies go through cycles of not wanting to eat much, but I am not wanting him to lose the weight he has gained.

ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) will evaluate him this coming Monday to see if we qualify for their services. If I can get help from them there will be a nutritionist, physical therapist, etc. They will help him with walking and feeding himself and will also advise me on what I need to be doing. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will qualify for the assistance.

A Visit from Kevin

Henry seems to have adjusted fairly well to the children's learning center on campus. I drop him off at 7:45. He cries but they are in the midst of feeding them breakfast so he is immediately thrust into that activity. I think there are around 12 in his age range--older infants. The focus now seems to be to get him to feed himself, to walk, and to socialize with the other children.

I have contacted the local office of ECI, Early Childhood Intervention. They are supposed to come out this coming week and evaluate Henry for their services. There is some debate over which county will be responsible for us since I live in one county and work in another county, and the county where I work is where he will receive most of the care. They will advise me on feeding--Henry seems to be getting more and more picky about eating and I am concerned about him maintaining his improvements. They will also help him in walking and talking and whatever other areas he might need help.
This weekend Henry had a visit from one of his companions from the orphanage who luckily happens to live very close to us. Kevin was adopted by Bau and we got to know each other while in HCMC, along with Gary and Sue (http://www.macklisfamily.blogspot.com/) who adopted Sara. Kevin is very outgoing and curious, sometimes Henry just sat and watched him as he raced around the room. Hopefully they will grow up to be good friends.
Today I had to dress Henry up in warm clothes while I rummaged around in the barn and the storage room for the Christmas decorations. I don't think he was too happy with wearing the hat, but we are on the edge of the prairie and the wind is cold and relentless here. I have been cautioned by numerous people to cover his head when we are out in the wind.